On the drive home, all three were dripping wet in the car, the back windows have steamed up and Freddie had to keep wiping the windscreen of his beaten up car as the air-conditioning didn’t work. It was quiet in the car, they had been to a drive through so Jess, was making the only sound her drink trying to get the last remnants of the milkshake out. Freddie’s food lay on the dash board waiting for him when they got back to his Flat. Jack just sat in the back seat and stared at his food and the water dripped from his hair on to the food. Jess looked back at the shrivelled mess,
“What’s up dude? You ain’t touched your burger yet” she said, pinching a chip from his lap.
“I ordered it without gherkins” he said.
“Ah, that might be my one then” said Freddie launching the bundle back to Jack. Jack grabbed at it gleefully and ravenously tucked in.
“Erm… your burger might be a bit wet Freddo,” Jack spat out along with bits of burger, without gherkins, “my hair dripped a bit, sorry mate”
“Oh and that means I nicked some of your chips,” continued Jess, “here Jack, let me have some of yours to even it up.” She launched in to the back,
“Fuck off, you’re all ready fat.” Argued Jack jokingly. Jess took sarcastic offence and they started to wrestle. All Freddie could do was smile and wipe the windscreen again.
“Hey you two,” he yelled, “calm the fuck down, you’re shaking the car everywhere here, and not all of us here want to die quite yet. The two stopped fighting and stared at Freddie who stared back in the rear-view mirror. The exchanged “evils” but eventually Jack cracked a smile and threw a ball of fast food paper at Freddie.
They soon arrived at Freddie’s flat. They showered changed in to dry clothes lent to Jack and Jess by Freddie. They then sat in his bedroom with towels drying their hair. The bedroom, was untidy, unmade bed, clothes and rubbish across the floor. The walls were plastered with funny posters such as a sperm cell in the shape of the Nike symbol with the slogan, “Just did it”. There were also posters of bands and pictures of times gone by. The only carpet apparent was between the door, the bed and the laptop sat on a desk full of even more pictures, including one in a frame, the only one in a frame, of the three of them at a festival from the previous summer.
“It was a bit of a dull way to go, if you did go that is,” said Jess as she and Jack collapsed on to the bed after surfing the internet for stupid laws and games. Freddie had closed the laptop and swung round on the chair to face the two laid out on his bed.
“C’mon guys, do we have to talk about it?” he protested.
“What?” argued Jess, “If I was to kill myself I’d plan something elaborate to be remembered by, give them some positive out of it all.”
“That’s not a bad idea,” said Jack, now in deep thought, “what would be the best way to go?”
“Erm, in your 90’s during the night. Just go to sleep and not wake up” interjected Freddie but the other two ignored him.
“How about suffocation from a minge? Just stick your head inside and eventually you’ll just be breathing carbon dioxide. All you need is a huge vag… Freddie, do you think your mum would be up to it?” joked Jack. Freddie threw the TV remote at him, while Jess laughed loudly.
A jokey brawl ensued much like the one in the back of the car; this ends up with all three of them collapsed in a heap on the floor looking up at the ceiling in silence.
“What would be a really creative why to die?” Jess began, still looking in to space with the other two, “What would be a spectacular way to go?”
“Do we have to?” grumbled Freddie.
“I read on the internet once of a guy who was really fucked off with his life,” said Jack as he bolted up right, “and so he bought a gun, this was in America, some poison, some gasoline and rope. He went to this cliff that had a tree hanging over the ledge, so it was about fifty feet or so up from the sea. He drank the poison, tied a noose to the end of the tree, doused him self in the gasoline lit himself and jumped off the cliff with gun in hand. Everything was going well, you know, he was on fire, poisoned and hanging himself. As he fell he went to shoot himself in the head to really finish him off but he missed. Instead he hit the rope which in turn broke.” Smiles spread across the faces of Jess and Freddie, “so he fell into the sea which put out the flames. Then as he tried to make it to shore, he drank a load of water so by the time he got to the beach he was throwing up all the poison.” All three were now in hysterics. Jack composed himself enough for the punch line, “funny think is, he died of hypothermia later in hospital” All three roared with laughter.
“Poor guy” said Jess,
“Lucky guy, ironically” responded Jack.